A few months ago when my sister asked me to describe my typical day, it occurred to me that my days started about an hour after my alarm started going off. My bed was too comfortable. This needed to change. I contemplated a system that would spray me with water, but I already have a disdain for doing laundry and mildewed sheets didn't sound like any fun. I considered a winch that would raise one side of my bed and dump me on the floor, but I hate making my bed almost as much as I hate doing laundry. I came up with a system that starts to steadily ramp the power to 200 W lights twenty minutes before I want to wake up (I read about it in the Sharper Image Catalog, apparently it simulates a sunrise, but the product they offer packs a pusilanimous 30 W). When it's Go-time, an alarm sounds. Ten seconds later, a converted clown buzzer zaps electricity through my mattress. The only way to avert it is with a switch located on the other side of the room.
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